I know this might look like a pile of weeds and pruned vegetation, but I see a whole bunch of mental, emotional, and physical effort. It’s been a rough couple of months for a lot of us and I had a light bulb moment while weeding in my yarden.
It’s been hard to get out of bed and life because I’m actually allowing myself to pause and marinate in my emotions.
I’m weeding out and pruning away a lot of the unnecessary things in my experience and I have this horrible habit of keeping & telling myself I’m too busy, in order to distract me from having to FEEL. It’s the Capricorn Moon in me, but not in this season. I need this right now—WE need this. If this doesn’t resonate for you right now, I’m glad because this shit sucks in the moment.
So just like the weeds I pulled this morning, it starts out as one tiny little sucker and then more pop up, they congregate and become a big huge weed with roots that keep them locked into the soil.
That soil represents us. We show the world all the beautiful, blooming aspects of ourselves but underneath all of that gorgeous growth are WEEDS. We forget to tend to those fakaz and then it becomes overwhelming and stressful. Some don’t want to deal with it, so we pretend they aren’t there and just focus on growth and expansion when in reality, too much of anything isn’t good. We have to prune some of our branches (whatever that represents to you) but sometimes we don’t want to do that either, and we feel bogged down because we’ve been conditioned to think that when you ‘oki 🪓 something, it’s a bad thing because we associate it with loss.
Today was the first time I got out of bed at 7am, fixed it, had a superfood shake and did an hour of yoga (to make up for the yoga I skipped yesterday) while Kame’i has been working in Idaho. When he’s home on the weekends, I’m a lot more like myself. I jump out of bed early and get ready for the day, but when he’s gone it’s like a piece of me is missing, I have a void in my naʻau, and I feel empty AF.
Shit! That was really hard to type because:
- I’m not super lovey dovey and…
- I just admitted something I never thought I would. I need him like a fish needs de-chlorinated water.
I’m not very good with my words but it all made sense in my brain this morning, and I wanted to share because I’m sure someone else can innerstand.
I’m reading The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins and it’s been helping me with taking action like I used to before Kameʻi took on this Idaho job—just 4 more weeks left (if I mathed it right). I highly recommend it (the book), and I just started Part 2 of 5—also the most Iʻve read (4 chapters Iʻm on chapter 5 as of today) in MONTHS. Only YOU can get yourself out of your rut, only YOU can get YOU to do an hour of yoga, take care of your garden, eat ʻai pono and show up, but you have to put in the effort.